Chicago For The Rainbow-Hearted

Chicago is famous for its unpredictable weather. One minute it's scorching and the next it's snowing. My trip to Chicago was equally unpredictable. Here is a rundown of events and thoughts with a score from 0 (killed my vibe) to 100 (YASS QUEEN). 

There will be random photos of Chicago throughout this post because it is such a beautiful place and there's nowhere else to put them. 

10pm - Won tickets to an advanced screening of Amy Schumer's new movie Trainwreck the next day at 7pm. 100

4am - Train from Nebraska is delayed. 60
10am - Train finally leaves Nebraska with an arrival time in Chicago of 10pm. 40
11am - Seat mate does not understand the concept of personal space or travel etiquette. 30
12pm - Can hear guitar and singing in dining car. Sounds promising. 60
12:01pm - Singing is a mother and her son. They are horrible. 20
10pm - Arrive in Chicago after movie screening has already finished. 15
11pm - Meet my host Abby. She is me if I were black, sassy as hell, and an activist. 80
11:30pm - Eat a cheese toastie and cheer up. 90
11:45pm Find out that Amy Schumer and Judd Apatow showed up to the screening of Trainwreck for an intimate Q&A. -45
11:45pm A single tear rolls down my cheek and onto my lip. It tastes like first world problems.

1pm - Eat a deep dish pizza and feel full for the next 24 hours. 95


4pm - Head to next host's place. A retired gentleman who was very kind throughout online communication. 80
4:30pm - Arrive at his place and see that he lives in a dungeon. Realize I have been low-level catfished. 35
4:31pm - Sit down to chat with him. He is interesting. 55
6pm - "Adventure is being out of your comfort zone." I suppose. 45
7pm - "if you can stay here with an old man and a GAY COUPLE, you are truly an adventurer." Mmmm when you put that with what you said before, It sounds offensive. 35
8pm - How do I leave this conversation. 25
8:05pm - Somebody save me. 15
9pm - Saved by aforementioned GAY COUPLE (Graeme and Chris) who break up his monologue and allow me to escape to bed.
10pm - Go to sleep and organise to go back to Abby's.

8am - Wake up still alive. 75
11am - Exit room after three hours of steeling myself for awkward conversation. 60
12pm - Emerge into real daylight with GAY COUPLE after citing "logistics" as reason for leaving instead of "you are weird." 85
3pm - Spend day with Chris and Graeme who are like Cam and Mitchell except way funnier and less effusive. 95

5pm - Agree to meet up with Abby to do whatever she's doing. 80
6pm - What she's doing is attending Gay Pride festival. 85

7pm - Is that the cast of Orange is The New Black?! 90
7:01pm - No it's ten lesbians with the same haircut as me. 35
8pm - Oh everyone's dancing. I don't dance but it's N'Sync so I'll stick around. 60

8:30pm - Still dancing. 50
8:45pm - Oh there's IHOP! 85
9pm - Pancakes get in my belly 100
9:15pm - I feel sick. 40
9:30pm - Witness a woman proposing to her girlfriend. Very sweet. 10/10
9:35pm - Who am I kidding it was one of the worst proposals I've ever seen. 3/10
9:40pm - Festival called off because of massive thunderstorm. Thank goodness, I've been carrying my heavy backpack around for ten hours. 75
10pm - Fall asleep at Abby's friends house which is the opposite of a dungeon. Rent is so reasonable here. 80

12pm - I have mastered Chicago's train system. New Zealand public transport is embarrassing 75
3pm - $5 ticket to Inside Out! 95
3:05pm - $10 popcorn! 25
3:10 - Guy at counter compliments my Haim singlet. Am I feeling a connection?! 99
3:11 - He looks 15. Not feeling a connection, just feeling creepy. 10
5:30 - Head to Damien Rice concert. 75

6pm - Have following conversation with guy at front of huge line. 100
Me: How long have you been waiting for?
Him: Six hours
Me: Wow, at least you'll be right up the front.
Him: No I have a reserved seating ticket.
7pm - Iron and Wine performs Trapeze Swinger (my funeral song) first. 110
7:15pm - People arriving oblivious to the fact that they already missed the best song of the night. 15 (pity)
9pm - Damien Rice asks for a female to sing with him. One condition; they must know all the lyrics to 'Cold Water.' Consider volunteering then remember I can't sing. 90 then 3
9:05pm - A group of drunk women end up singing with him and are out of time and tune. Regret earlier decision. 20
10:20pm - Return home from an incredible concert. 95

I still have another day in Chicago but I signed up for a boxing bootcamp so I have to post this now because there is a 73% chance I will collapse and fall into an unfit coma tomorrow.